Yvette's Natural Surrogate Birth in a Hospital

When did you realize you were really in labor?

My story is of a surrogate birth. It was really so lovely that I had to share it with the Mama Natural tribe of mamas.

We first realized we were in labor when my surrogate called and told me that her water had broken. It was around 6pm in the evening, 3 weeks before the due date, and we were a 2 1/2 hour flight away.

What was the most challenging thing about going natural?

My first child was born in a birth center. I made the assumption that a birth center birth would be the most supportive of the mother and child and a natural birth. The midwife that ran the birth center we were at, was attending to two other births and did not give our surrogate mama any attention or guidance, until after about 8 hours of laboring, mostly alone with her husband, the midwife said, "We are going to transfer you to the hospital"

It was a real challenge for us not to start freaking out and worrying about a medicalized birth in a hospital where we did not know the OB/GYN's or anything about the place.

We were so lucky that we were transferred to a women's hospital. Our L&D room was large and comfortable, large enough for our surrogate and her husband, myself and my husband, my son and our family friend who was there to take care of my son and also to document the birth.

We were so happy to learn that the labor person on call that evening was a midwife! and she was going to do everything she could to help us birth our baby naturally. More over, our new, hospital midwife was determined to help us give birth (get that baby out) before 7am when her on call time ended and the OB - known as a cutter (she liked to perform cesarean births) came on shift.

What was the most helpful thing you did to prepare for childbirth?

Adoptive nursing preparedness!!!?

We read and educated ourselves about natural birth, vernix, delayed cord clamping, nursing, adoptive nursing (although we were not doing an adoption, as the mama of a surrogate born baby, I felt so strongly about nursing that I planned and pumped for months in advance to prepare my body to be able to nurse my baby).

YES MAMAS of adopted babies and of surrogate born babies, YOU CAN NURSE YOUR CHILD!!

It is such a powerful and empowering experience to be able to nurse my daughter. I was feeling very much like I wished I could have been the one to carry my daughter through a pregnancy and to sing to her and read to her and drink green juice during pregnancy, but this was not our experience this time around. I'm so grateful that I got to have that pregnancy experience with my first child, my son, now 11 is healthy and strong and smart and sensitive with a big heart.

With my second child, our love child, our hearts had to be that much larger to go through all the steps required to have a successful surrogate birth. Our surrogate mama was amazing, her husband was the sweetest birth partner. And we love all of her 5 kids!

But breastfeeding my daughter is wondrous and magical. At 23 months, we are still going strong!

What surprised you about your birth?

Becoming a mama for the second time, I was reminded again how we are not able to orchestrate how our births will go. After all, we dreamed of a cozy, birth center birth, and had a lovely hospital birth, natural and with a midwife, but not what we initially imagined.

We wanted to implement delayed cord clamping, and have my 10 year old son cut the baby's umbilical cord, but the cord was around my daughter's neck, and before my son could reach the hospital from the hotel, I had to cut the cord after the baby's head was born, so that her body be born.

We did get to keep all that lovely vernix. Everytime time a nurse came in after the delivery to check on mama, baby and mama, she asked if she could wash the baby, and every time, we politely declined! That is our hard earned vernix, we need all that good stuff to absorb into the baby's skin!

There were so many moments. It was also surprising to my husband and I that the four of us, he and I and the surrogate mama and her husband, became a birth team and support system for the birth. Especially since we lived in a different state from our surrogate mama and her family, we had only met 3 times before the birth, so during the labor and delivery, we got closer and shared many heart warming moments. Go team!

YES MAMAS of adopted babies and of surrogate born babies, YOU CAN NURSE YOUR CHILD!!

What pain relief strategies worked best?

We used warm water, essential oils, herbs and walking for relief from labor pains.

What position did you end up delivering in?

Our surrogate delivered lying on her back with her knees up. That could have been because we were in a hospital, but since she had given birth 5 times before, I was not there to dictate to her what position she should be in. My husband and I tried really hard to be available but not intrusive to the labor efforts of our surrogate and her husband.

How did it feel to hold your baby for the first time?

Blissful and calm.

I got to catch the baby! As the surrogate mama was on her back, birthing my daughter, I was positioned and ready to accept the baby as she was born. It was amazing.

I cut the umbilical cord before the baby was out, we didn't know the sex of the baby until she was born, I got to catch her as she slipped into the bright lights of the delivery room and the watery darkness outside the window. We immediately did skin to skin and stayed that way for a long time. Eventually, I started nursing her. When she slept, both myself and the surrogate mama would pump. I was doing it as part of my adoptive breastfeeding preparedness and the surrogate mama was dong it to give my baby collostrum which would help with jaundice and myconium. It was lovely to be sitting in the same room, both pumping together for the wee little girl.

What advice can you give to other mamas who want to go natural?

It's really powerful and empowering and inspiring to surround yourself with other mamas who have had the experience of natural birth, breastfeeding and co-sleeping. There is just so much energy we can share by sharing our stories, our positive loving birth stories and by listening with our hearts the birth stories of other mams. Be around mamas who breastfeed, who eat healthy and move their bodies. Give and take inspiration from each other, we are a tribe of mamas, strong and vulnerable. A tribe of women strong and vulnerable.