Lia's Home Birth

When did you realize you were really in labor?

When my water broke. The midwife had come to our home because I felt like I was in labor. She didn't think I was quite yet so decided to leave until things got stronger. As she was pulling out of the driveway, my water broke, we called her and she came back in.

What was the most challenging thing about going natural?

I felt terrified. I didn't know what my body was doing, if it was normal, and my midwife and her assistants were not at all responsive. I had originally thought I would want quiet in labor, but quickly discovered I needed a lot of verbal encouragement. I did not receive that though, which made the process all the more terrifying. I was in too much pain to ask for someone to talk to me. My midwife was texting on her phone through most of the first few hours and I felt discarded. My husband was my rock. He held my hand and talked to me, but he was also terrified!

What was the most helpful thing you did to prepare for childbirth?

I prayed a lot. And I read a lot of birth stories, watched videos of births, and let myself be excited about it all. I shared a lot of information with my husband. This was all helpful. I chose an intern to be at my birth who was a lifesaver in the end, that was helpful!

What surprised you about your birth?

First, when my water broke it stung my legs as it ran down them. Then I began to throw up violently, which I was not expecting. I was very self conscious as well and wanted to be wearing a robe or something, but could not get one as the labor was fast and painful and I couldn't think. I wished I could go on the toilet or in the shower but my midwife wasn't talking and I felt that I couldn't discuss this with her. So I was in a birthing pool and then on the bed pushing in the position I dreaded the most, knees to my chest. It surprised me how little control I was in, and how awful I felt. And how little my midwife seemed to care. Even when my baby was born, no one cheered or looked happy. I felt so let down.

I prayed a lot. And I read a lot of birth stories, watched videos of births, and let myself be excited about it all. I shared a lot of information with my husband. This was all helpful. I chose an intern to be at my birth who was a lifesaver in the end, that was helpful!

What pain relief strategies worked best?

A deep low moan that my midwife suggested was helpful to get through each contraction.

What position did you end up delivering in?

On my back, my head in the intern's lap (she would lift my head for each push) and I had to hold my knees and pull them up as I pushed. It was a position I came across during research and I told my husband that I did not want to do that position, no matter what. But I didn't have a choice. I had to do it for two hours.

How did it feel to hold your baby for the first time?

It was a relief. I was so excited he was a boy! Then my midwife yanked on my cord, and my reverie was cut short as I cried out "Ow! Its still attached!" Then I began to hemorrhage. I felt an ocean of blood gush out, and then another. And another. I went cold. They told me to nurse him. This was my first baby! I didn't know how to nurse him! My son and I kind of looked at each other like "I don't know what to do". They gave me two shots of pitocin. Blood poured out. I said I couldn't breathe. They put the oxygen mask on me and I still couldn't breathe. I heard talking in the background. Then my husband said, "Honey, I think we're gonna have to call the ambulance" I said "Please do, I know". I was so relieved when the paramedics showed up, they came in and looked at the mess with shocked, pale faces. I said "Please don't yell at me for having a home birth." They said they weren't going to, but they had to get me to the hospital. They put me on the stretcher bag and carried me, my son on my chest and the cord still attached, up to the ambulance. I passed out. Then I felt the hot July heat hit me. Then they strapped us in the ambulance. My husband was in the front seat. I was so so grateful for sirens on the ambulance and prayed that everyone would move out of our way. I was trying to wrap my arms around my son, he was slippery, and I could not feel my arms anymore. The paramedic helped me hold him. I kept telling myself, "you are doing so good." The paramedic, Alex, couldn't agree with me but she smiled. Then I was being rushed into the operating room. They cut the cord and put my son under a warmer, there were so many people rushing around. I heard someone screaming, and realized it was me. My feet were up high in stirrups and a doctor was manually removing the placenta. She asked "When was the baby born?" "8:35am" And then she said "What time is it now?" "11:20" She looked incredulous, and shouted "This has been in here for 3 hours!" It was such a wonderful moment because FINALLY Someone cared about me! She also said "This thing is still pumping!" I did tear during that procedure and then she stitched me up, which I felt, it was awful. They were giving me medicine and a transfusion, and it made me nauseous. Another doctor asked how I was and I said I feel like I am about to throw up. He gave me a bowl carefully. He looked so upset. I heard someone shout out, Blood Pressure 60 over 20! I thought it sounded pretty low.Then
40 0ver 0. People started rushing. A lady came by and stroked me cheek gently, I told her it felt good so she stayed there and kept stroking my cheek. I loved her for that. Then in the recovery room, I was so upset my son was in NICU, my husband was with him. The nurses said they were praying for us. Then my husband came by and said our son was doing well. The midwife came by at some point and said "Did they have to manually remove the placenta?" I said yes. She said "Yah, I thought I heard you screaming." I was livid but had no energy to say anything else. The doctor who gave me the bowl when I was nauseous, he came back to recovery and said a little bit about how you should not have a homebirth. That I was very very very lucky. I could see the concern he had, he was trembling. Physically shaking. I nodded and said thank you a lot. I was just so grateful he had saved my life.

What advice can you give to other mamas who want to go natural?

My advice is probably, do not have your first birth at home unless you have personally witnessed a birth. Try a midwife at the hospital, or a birth center. First birth just be extra careful until you know how it goes. But then again, I loved that I was never pressured to have an epidural. My son was 9lb13oz. That would have probably meant c section in a hospital. But I pushed him out at home, with compound presentation and did not tear! And I got to have him on my chest right way which I feel helped us bond and to stay alive. So home birth had its good points. I don't know how to choose a midwife but obviously get a better one than I did. She was older, experienced, had 6 children and seemed a great choice. During the prenatal care though I was not happy and I should have moved on. Also HIRE A DOULA!!!!!! I think that would have made a world of difference for me, someone to SPEAK up when I couldn't.

The end of our story is that My son was in NICU on all kinds of machines he didn't need, being fed sugar water and me not being allowed to hold or nurse him for 3 days. At some pint in the 2nd day, they pumped colostrum out of his stomach even though I had never nursed him. It was a miracle I believe. I was able to pump and they told me because I had lost so much blood I may not be able to make milk but my milk came in. It took my son 3 hours to get his first latch because he had had so many tubes in his mouth for three days. My mother had come up from a few states away and she helped me get that latch. I nursed him nearly exclusively for two years, baby! I was hospitalized for a week. It was very hard to do anything, I had three transfusions and was very weak and traumatized. But grateful my son and I were alive.