Hiring a Doula Helped Kim During Her Birth Center Birth

When did you realize you were really in labor?

I realized I was in labor with some of the classic indicators like consistent contractions close together, etc. But I thought that I was feeling active labor and I did not know how much stronger contractions would get until after we left the birth center for the first time. We went in to the center in the middle of the night to be checked because I was sure I was finally in labor. I had not progressed enough, so we headed home. On the out, I had my first real contraction, and that's when I knew things were really starting. We headed home because we lived close enough to the birth center and I knew I needed to feel those contractions for a lot longer before it was time. We went back 2 hours later and my son was born 3 hours after that.

What was the most challenging thing about going natural?

Honestly, the naysayers. Everyone has their own feelings about what labor and childbirth should be like, but I always try to be open to all peoples' experiences. When people asked about my plans and I shared, I felt like I had to defend my choices. It was tough to remember that there is a lot of misinformation and fear out there and that I should react softly to others to help them feel more open to my choices. I can't count the number of times I was told how painful it would be or how I would regret my decision when I was actually in labor. I never once doubted my choices, but was sometimes exhausted by the conversations. In the middle of labor, someone felt the need to say that I shouldn't try to "be a hero," which frustrated me because everyone is entitled to their own experiences and these were choices I held sacred.

What was the most helpful thing you did to prepare for childbirth?

I knew from day 1 that I wanted to give birth at the birth center. I knew their practices most aligned to my own beliefs and I wanted to be allowed to progress with minimal intervention and interruption. However, I felt like something was still missing. I wanted my partner and I to have a support that stretched beyond the excellent care I knew we'd get from the midwives- a more personal support that extended beyond the stages of active labor in the center. By far, the best decision we made was to hire a doula. We ended up going with a group of doulas that gave us a team we worked with the whole time. Due to some wild circumstances (the holidays make everything fun!), we actually had a doula we had not met be our birth support and she was the most amazing part of our journey. As my best friend said later, when the doula arrived, it felt like there was finally an adult in the room. We knew we were all going to get through it because of her calm demeanor and coaching. At the end of it all, we had a great group of women who supported us throughout the pregnancy and during labor.

What surprised you about your birth?

I was surprised at how natural it all felt- I wasn't scared or anxious once I felt the strong contractions and knew things had started. I was calm and determined and really ready, which I had not felt most of my pregnancy. I was also surprised that my body knew when to push. I wasn't checked before I started pushing and didn't make a conscious effort to do it- my body took over and it was up to me to catch up and lean in to what my body was doing on its own. And frankly, I was surprised at how I handled labor. I am well known for my less than PG use of foul language and figured I'd be screaming and cussing like a sailor, but I barely spoke at all and did not utter a single curse word the entire time. I didn't open my eyes for hours and felt no need to. It was much easier to be inside myself. It surprised me because, again, that's not my usual way of handling situations.

Your birth is your own. Don't judge others too harshly if they don't understand your choices, but also don't feel like you need to justify yourself. At the end of the day, healthy baby and momma are the goals we all have and everyone is doing the best they can with the information they have. Your courage to go a little outside the box could give another woman around you the information she needs to make a more informed decision about her own path.

What pain relief strategies worked best?

Our doula brought a scarf that ended up being a lifesaver. My partner tightened it around my hips during each contraction and it helped with the pain immensely. I also labored in a tub and I can not recommend it highly enough. I grew up swimming, so I felt right at home in the water and knew it would help with the pain. I was not disappointed. I also tried to visualize a wave as each contraction came. It helped somewhat, if only to give me some distractions. I let my wind wander between contractions and that also helped the pain seem less intense.

What position did you end up delivering in?

I labored in a tub on all fours and ended up delivering on my side in the tub.

How did it feel to hold your baby for the first time?

It felt surreal. This is where the profanity came out- all I could say when they put him on my chest was "holy sh*t" over and over. I just couldn't believe it was all over and that the cute little squirm I was holding was inside me moments before.

What advice can you give to other mamas who want to go natural?

Your birth is your own. Don't judge others too harshly if they don't understand your choices, but also don't feel like you need to justify yourself. At the end of the day, healthy baby and momma are the goals we all have and everyone is doing the best they can with the information they have. Your courage to go a little outside the box could give another woman around you the information she needs to make a more informed decision about her own path.