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When did you realize you were really in labor?
About an hour after I started leaking amniotic fluid, moderate surges began coming every 6 to 8 minutes. They hit hard, and I couldn't talk through them. I was most comfortable bent forward over the kitchen counter or the back of the sofa. I concentrated on the deep breathing techniques and relaxation exercises.
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What was the most challenging thing about going natural?
For me, the biggest challenge of a natural birth occurred outside the labor and delivery unit. It was facing subtle opposition from friends and family members. When I shared that I was planning an unmedicated vaginal birth, I rarely heard words of encouragement or empowerment. Instead, I was often advised to enter into the experience without any expectations. I felt like many women prematurely felt sympathy for me for planning a natural, unmedicated birth, but not being able to achieve it. I also felt as though the significance of my birth experience - and in a way, my rite of passage into motherhood - was dismissed each time I heard "all that matters is a healthy baby." Constantly, I believe that my birth experience would be an important part of my connection to my baby rather than simply a trial I had to endure before meeting him. Finally, it seemed many of the women wanted to offload their own birth experiences. In this case, I found that knowledge is not always power - not if it leaves me feeling more fearful, less capable of building up the internal resolve needed for labor. I had to work to protect myself from exposure to negative birth stories.
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What was the most helpful thing you did to prepare for childbirth?
By nature, I like to plan and prepare. For me, it's fun and gratifying to map out the landscape of a new project. I treated my birth journey no differently. I chose to birth in a Baby-Friendly hospital under the care of certified nurse-midwives. I enrolled in The Calm Birth School, a four-week online video Hypnobirthing course. I listened to the associated MP3s - meditations and birth affirmations - religiously. I read numerous books, including Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. I watched YouTube videos of other women's calm and positive birth experiences. Together, my husband and I attended The Bradley Method® classes. We practiced labor and delivery positions, as well as coping strategies. We assembled a bag of items to use during labor - a rebozo, essential oils, a variety of massagers, flameless candles, birth affirmation cards, MP3s (chill music and tracks from The Calm Birth School), etc. Preparing so thoroughly helped me create a sense - or maybe more accurately, an illusion - of control. In my mind, if I could control all of the inputs, the desired output - a natural, unmedicated vaginal birth - would be achieved. However, I came to realize that birth - while a completely natural - is unpredictable. It required surrender of control to a process much bigger than myself. Therefore, hiring a birth doula proved most helpful in creating our vision for birth. I was able to fully trust her knowledge of and experience with birth when all our preparation just didn't seem to cut it. One of the most comforting phrases she repeated to me during labor was "Yes, that's it. Let it be strong." I think hearing that over and over again helped me not fight against my surges but instead, embrace their power and truly abandon myself to birth.
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What surprised you about your birth?
I was most surprised by how quickly my labor progressed. (This was my first pregnancy and birth.) Less than 3 hours passed from the time my cervix was found to be 4 centimeters dilated to the arrival of my baby boy. I was also surprised that a rapid labor, which might seem like a welcome alternative to extended labor, came with its own set of challenges. With labor being sped up, there was less time to mentally and emotionally process what was happening. Also, physically, my body didn't have time to adjust to a slower build-up of discomfort so I experienced all the sensations very intensely. Finally, my husband and I didn't have the time to utilize all the coping skills we had practiced or all the comfort measures we had brought along.
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It's difficult not knowing what your baby’s birth journey will bring in terms of thoughts, sensations, emotions, or circumstances. And yet, you CAN prepare.
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What pain relief strategies worked best?
Throughout my labor, I never felt fearful, panicked, overwhelmed by pain, or out of control. I breathed slowly and deeply through each surge. I was also very vocal - sighing and moaning but consciously keeping all my tones low to maintain my state of relaxation. I moved - swaying forward and backwards, as well as circling my hips. Above all, the double hip squeeze - a technique for conterpressure on the pelvis and back - was most effective for relieving my pain. My husband and doula took turns providing this so they wouldn't fatigue. As I felt a surge building up, I'd say, "Squeeze!" My pelvis was being stretched by the pressure of our baby's head bearing down. The hip squeeze seemed to push my pelvis back into a relaxed position, which both relieved the pressure of the stretch and even caused my pelvis to flare out slightly, allowing our baby room to rotate around and move down.
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What position did you end up delivering in?
I spent my entire labor positioned on my hands and knees - either on the bed or in the tub. Just before I began to push, my arms felt fatigued so I modified my position on the bed by kneeling and leaning forward over the head. This is the position in which I delivered my baby. I wanted the pushing part to go much slower than the rest of my labor had gone. Instead of holding my breath and bearing down, I tried to give deep pushing breaths down and out while remaining open and relaxed in my pelvic floor. I only pushed during my surges. I quickly figured out that if I pushed beyond them, my baby wouldn't budge and it would only fatigue me. The pauses between pushes allowed me to rest and allowed his head to stretch my tissues. My nurses also applied oil and hot compresses to aid with stretching. It was gratifying to feel my baby move down my birth canal with each push. It was incredible to feel the effects of my efforts on him coming into this world! I felt like I had so much control and influence.
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How did it feel to hold your baby for the first time?
Elam Rivers was born at 2:41 PM. He weighed 8 pounds and 11 ounces and measured 20.75 inches long. My husband bravely and unabashedly watched our baby slowly emerge, caught him, and passed him to me. As soon as Elam was in my arms, I was completely engrossed. All at once, I felt energized, gratified, and serene. I was entirely astounded at the miracle I had produced. In an instant, I became a mother to my baby. And the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual journey of birth - just as nature intended - had perfectly prepared us both for that very moment.
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What advice can you give to other mamas who want to go natural?
It's difficult not knowing what your baby’s birth journey will bring in terms of thoughts, sensations, emotions, or circumstances. And yet, you CAN prepare. Enroll in natural childbirth classes. I highly recommend pairing The Bradley Method® classes with a Hypnobirthing course. Practice laboring positions and relaxation strategies with your partner. Assemble a bag full of tools to use during labor. Hire a birth doula. Surround yourself with people who believe in you. Work to create and protect the safe space you will need to go within to perform this challenging task. Most importantly, make peace with the uncertainty ahead of time. Your body was made for this. Trust yourself and trust in the birth process that is much bigger than yourself. Breathe and relax. Surrender your mind and its expectations to the power of your birthing body.
