Hi everyone, Papa Natural here with an update. I posted this quote on the Mama Natural Facebook page recently, and it just blew up. So far, the post has reached over 17 million people, earned 600,000 likes, and has been shared over 140,000 times.
Why the broad reach? Because the post turned out to be really divisive. Of the 11,000 comments, about half were negative.
When a lot of negativity comes in like this, our instinct is to take the post down. But we left it up because I totally stand by it.
A mom named Nicole wrote to me last week with a question: what to do when living by our values alienates…. everyone? What do you do when your dad installs your 16-month-old’s car seat forward facing? Or when family members are upset because they can’t give your toddler ice cream?
Believe me, I’ve been there. And in this video I share what I’ve learned.
Click that Facebook “Like” button if you’ve ever been criticized for living a natural life!
Remember those early days of your courtship when we professed our love freely and did wonderful, thoughtful things for each other?
But then, as time passes, we slowly stop doing those wonderful things and we grow complacent. We can even take each other’s love for granted.
It’s time to regain that loving feeling
According to Harville Hendrix in Getting the Love You Want, doing those activities that make your partner feel loved is vital to maintain a thriving relationship. This is especially true if you are having troubles as a couple.
He calls it “re-romantizing your relationship.”
Here’s a look at his exercise that can help you do just that.
Without a shared vision, a relationship will perish.
In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, why not create a relationship vision with your partner? Mike and I did this based on Harville Hendrix’s Getting the Love You Want and it was a huge blessing in our lives! At the time we wrote it, some of the statements were very aspirational, and not our present reality. What’s amazing is that today, not only did our vision come true, it’s something we still use as a tool when we get off course.
How to write your vision statement
You and your partner will need 2 sheets of paper, pens and about 30 minutes.
Exits. We’ve all got them. These are activities we engage in to avoid intimacy with our partners. There are “hard” exits like divorce or insanity and “soft” exits like overeating or watching too much T.V.
Why would we avoid intimacy with our partners?
According to Harville Hendrix, it ties back to childhood where we didn’t get all of our needs met, and we learned dysfunctional ways to avoid recreating this pain.
However, by choosing to be in a conscious relationship, you can work through these dysfunctional behaviors and create intimacy like you’ve never experienced before. And it’s quite healing!
You’re wild about each other. Totally in love. Can’t wait to build a life together. So you decide to commit and… all hell breaks loose.
This is the power struggle
You’ve spent your whole courtship imagining, albeit consciously or unconsciously, how your partner’s going to complete you and make you feel good, and now you want the fantasy to become reality. Thing is, we don’t enter into a relationship looking to help or heal our partner. We get into it to fulfill ourselves.
“I feel so alone in this marriage… like I did when I was a child.”
Your Imago match
According to relationship psychologist Harville Hendrix, most people are attracted to mates who have their caregiver’s positive and negative traits. He coined the term ‘Imago’ from the Latin word for image which he describes in his classic book, Getting the Love You Want. It’s the image of our caregivers that’s impressed in our unconscious that drives our partner selection.
And, in most of Hendrix’s cases, the traits that matched up most closely were the negative ones. Which is bizarre. If your parents wounded you by being overly controlling, the natural solution would be to choose a mate who gives you plenty of freedom and space.
But yet, more often than not, people choose just the opposite. They choose overbearing, controlling partners who resemble their parents.